HOW TO STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING AND START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!
Women have been conditioned to be nurturers, caregivers, soft and tender. We are described as being made of “sugar & spice and everything nice”, and we’re taught that sharing (of ourselves and of our resources) is caring!
Most often than not, everything that we do for others is at the expense of our own personal needs and desires. We have been conditioned by society and by our families to be PEOPLE PLEASERS, and this negative thought pattern is disrupting our success and peace of mind!
It is because of people-pleasing that many women are afraid to create the boundaries they need to protect their time, energy, and sanity! It is what keeps women connected to toxic individuals who dump on them and then expect them to help clean up their life. It is why so many of you are overwhelmed with responsibilities while others around you cruise about their day. People Pleasing keeps you from speaking your truth, and it keeps you from becoming who you are truly meant to be in the world.
WHAT IS PEOPLE-PLEASING AND HOW DO YOU CHANGE IT?
People-Pleasing is the pattern of thinking and behavior that prioritizes what other people think over what you think. It is a pattern of thoughts that create fear-based emotions, which then fuel what you do or don’t do.
If there is a situation that you are facing, and you don’t like the way that you are feeling, check your thoughts! Some fear-based thoughts that indicate that you might be people-pleasing are:
“I best keep that to myself; I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.”
“If I don’t do this, so-and-so is going to get mad at me.”
“Others are going to think that I’m mean or selfish if I don’t do this.”
In my coaching practice, I help women become masters of their thoughts because everything starts and ends at the thought level. To understand what I mean, let’s take a look at a real-life situation that one of my clients shared with me recently.
Situation: my client was constantly doing her work plus a good share of someone else’s work
Thought: “That person has a lot on their plate and if I don’t help, we’ll all suffer.” (NOTE: my client had a lot on their plate, too, and yet she was discounting it because of what the other person was dealing with. Classic people-pleasing.)
Emotion: resentment, helplessness (this is how she was feeling)
Action: she keeps things bottled in until she just can’t take it anymore
Result: she could have had a major meltdown and people would have questioned her emotional stability
Now let’s take a look at what actually happened when she switched to an empowered thought mindset.
Situation: my client was constantly doing her work plus a good share of someone else’s work
Thought: “Maybe there are others feeling the same. What can we do to work smarter and not harder?”
Emotion: inspired and empowered (this is how she felt when she changed the thought)
Action: she asked for a mastermind where she shared some ideas and asked for the input of others
Result: re-engagement and recommitment from the team; a greater sense of connection was built
Notice what happened once the thought changed? My client was headed for a meltdown, which could have cost her job. When we talked, I helped her come up with several empowered thoughts that she could choose to believe instead of the fear-based one she was having! She was able to pivot and support herself AND her team.
I also want you to notice that in the empowered scenario, the thought she chose was not one that would classify as self-centered. Most women are not wired this way. We are looking for a win-win; it’s what feels right!
ESSENTIAL OILS THAT UPLIFT YOUR ENERGY, THOUGHTS & EMOTIONS
There are hundreds of oils that you can turn to, and here I’m going to give you my favorite three to uplift your energy, thoughts, and emotions:
• Bergamot: this oil inspires acceptance that whatever you’re facing is temporary and it can always be turned into something else. Use this behind your ears and on your wrists.
• Ginger: this inspires empowerment and helps you believe that you have what it takes to create something new for yourself. Inhale this oil from the bottle; dilute with fractionated coconut oil and rub over your belly area.
• Neroli: this oil reminds you that you’re not alone; it inspires collaboration and partnership. Roll this behind your ears and through your hair and make room for teamwork.
DO YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR THOUGHTS?
I am a women’s empowerment coach who is on a mission to empower every woman that I know to be strong & self-confident and to live a healthy, happy & empowered life. Book a complimentary discovery session at https://healthandvida.com/schedule/ and let’s talk about how private or community coaching can help you create your most ideal life!
Anabel Quintanilla, CHHP
Transformational Coach
anabel@healthandvida.com
www.healthandvida.com
- Let Your Why-Nots Become Your WHY - October 10, 2021
- How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Taking Care of You First! - June 27, 2021
- The Connection between Stress and Weight - January 16, 2018
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